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012021: Where You Find Me

Berlin is preparing for the snowstorm. It’s awaited for Sunday, temperatures are supposed to go below -10°C, and we’re expecting up to 30 centimeters of snow. This city is not used to it anymore; the last time I worried if my shoes were winter-proof was about ten years ago. But sitting in my apartment, as I’ve basically done for the past year, I’m excited for it. I’m excited for the sound of the snow, the silence of city, the brightness and the crisp air.

While I started the year with a big slice of uncertainty, January took care of things itself, and by now, lots of them are clarified. There’s enough work to do, and I’ve accepted that my motivation oscillates between “I’ll make this Wednesday a Sunday and stay in bed” to “LET’S GET THIS DONE”. As we all know, January and February are the hardest months to get through—mood, productivity and serotonin are on their lowest levels. But we are already halfway through! You can find motivation in anything if you’re desperate. And if you can’t, it’s also okay to just stay in bed from time to time.

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Not much else noteworthy happened in January. And as we’re going to be covered unter 30 centimeters of snow at any given moment, things might stay that way a little longer. So here is a short list:

I’ve been listening to the new The Notwist album on repeat the past week. It‘s eery and gloomy; perfectly composed for this weird time. My favorite song is Into Love / Stars, but Where You Find Me is also great and a very typical Notwist song.

If you’re rather in need of uplifting music, give the new Baio album “Dead Hand Control” a spin (e.g. on Spotify). It’s catchy and weird and fun to listen to.

In case we’re not going to be completely snowbound, the Berlinische Galerie published three audio tours guiding you along remarkable 1980s architecture in Berlin. For me as a big Baller-enthusiast, this will be the perfect companion for snowy Sunday walks.

For the readers who are more into nature than architecture: In this Twitter thread, I received some great recommendations on where to meet animals in Berlin these days.

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Animals can be great mood boosters during winter. Unfortunately I only get to see my friends’ and colleagues’ pets via Zoom, but the decision to get a four-legged flatmate is getting closer and closer. Just like the snowstorm! Stay safe, stay at home, and if you want: Stay in bed.

(If you enjoy content like this: I send it out as a (irregular) monthly newsletter called Christel’s Corner. Sign up for it here.)

082020: We’ll be Alright When I Rub My Eyes

December 2020

On magic: It’s March 2020 and I’m on a video call with a friend. We’re all new to this whole stay-at-home situation, and she had offered to lay her Tarot cards for me. She’s using playing cards of Magic: The Gathering, just to spice things up a bit. The cards tell me about the general situation (Silent Attendant: “The Answer to life should never be death; it should always be more life, wrapped tight around us like precious silks”), they give precise recommendations (The Bandage: “Prevent the next damage that would be dealt to any target”), and conclude a possible outcome of it all (The Arcane Laboratory: “It soon became obvious that some experiments were best overseen by fireproof teachers”).

On waves: Admittedly, I do not believe in Tarot, but as we were (and still are) facing months of uncertainty, I enjoyed its randomness. There’s always something to get out of it—if you just read between the lines. So I’m digging into the year: Every other month, I got overwhelmed with pandemic anxiety, but over time, dealing with it became easier. The constant decision-making, weighing reason with facts, desires and relationships was probably the most exhausting part.

While it was widely accepted to be stressed and anxious during the first wave, it feels less tolerated in the current situation: Everybody needs to have their shit together by now. I don’t like that. I liked that everybody talked about how they’re feeling all the time; admitting exhaustion, fears and uncertainty. I want that to stay even after Corona. We will all get better at expressing it.

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I listened to a lot of Charli XCX this year. Here’s an interesting introduction to Hyperpop (if you were wondering what all the Tumblr Vaporwave kids were up to now). A plan for next year is to actually tidy up my Spotify playlists—for now, you can tune in to my public playlist. This letter’s headline is from my song of the year: Rub My Eyes by Hearts Hearts.

A book that I keep thinking about is Ottessa Moshfegh’s “My Year of Rest and Relaxation.” I read it in January and it somehow set the scene for the months to come. Follow my readings on Goodreads, if you like.

As people are talking about digital gardens and mourn the days of personal online publishing, I am happy to point out: Weblogs do still exist! For example: Gabriel, Nina, Marcel, Lisa, Andreas.

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For the new year, I encourage you to read between the lines. Read between anything! There’s always stuff to carve out. And for now: Let’s stay at home as much as we can, to prevent the next damage that would be dealt to any target. Another year, another round, make it count.

(If you enjoy content like this: I send it out as a (irregular) monthly newsletter called Christel’s Corner. Sign up for it here.)

Warum eigentlich

Drawing of the word Why

Ich telefoniere mit meinem Freund David. Uns beide verbindet unter anderem eine Zuschreibung, die wir mal bei einem Gespräch von unserem gemeinsamen Professor an der Uni bekommen haben: »Nachdenklich und trotzdem offen« nannte er uns, und beim Telefonat neulich merke ich, dass das immer noch irgendwie auf uns und unsere Herangehensweise an die Welt zutrifft.

Wir sprechen über unsere Arbeit, und warum wir sie tun. David beschäftigt das große Warum; die Suche nach einer tieferliegenden Begründung seines Handels. Warum machen wir das, was wir machen? Wir arbeiten darauf hin, so selbstbestimmt wie möglich unsere Ideen zu verwirklichen, aber aufgrund welcher größeren Idee eigentlich?

Für mich ist es eine nicht zu beantwortenden Frage, die Frage nach dem Why. Sie bringt mir zu sehr ins Wanken, macht mich mürbe und ein wenig depressiv. Jede Antwort darauf klingt zu pathetisch, nach leeren Worthülsen oder nach einer Verantwortung, der ich niemals gerecht werden könnte. Ich lege den Gedanken beiseite, mit der Ausrede, ich bräuchte gerade keine Antwort darauf. Ganz überzeugt bin ich noch nicht davon.

David arbeitet seit einigen Jahren an seinem Produkt Shelfd – ein Online-Service, der die besten Inhalte aus sämtlichen Mediatheken sammelt und empfiehlt. Einmal pro Woche erhalte ich einen Newsletter mit Filmen, die es etwa gerade in der arte-Mediathek gibt, und die ich sonst definitiv verpasst hätte. Eine super Sache.

Für mich als Beobachter ist irgendwie total klar, warum David das macht: Er liebt Filme, und ist begeistert von der Idee, andere mit dieser Begeisterung anzustecken. Viel mehr braucht es für mich nicht, um die Frage nach dem Warum zu beantworten.

Aber im eigenen Kopf dreht man eben ganz andere Schleifen und Runden, die einem aus der Beobachter-Perspektive verborgen bleiben. Unterwegs im eigenen Kopf sieht man zwar mehr, aber das alles zu ordnen und Sinn stiftend anzulegen, ist eine komplexe Aufgabe. Und man kann sich selbst ja nicht ununterbrochen nur aus der Beobachter-Perspektive wahrnehmen (obwohl ich das bei mir oft gerne täte) – dann entrinnt einem ja das Leben. Vielleicht bekomme ich das gerade, so ganz leise, zu spüren; wie ein kleines Rinnsal schlängelt sich dieses Gefühl seit unserem Gespräch in mir entlang.

Aber dann wiederum: Soll es eben. Soll es eben mal rinnen, eine Weile, so lange, wie ich diese große Warum-Frage noch ausreizen kann. Der eine, mich überzeugende Gedanke wird schon in irgendeiner Biegung hängen bleiben.

Modehaus Manuel

An der Ampel bei Modehaus Manuel, da passierte es, da trafen wir uns, nach all den Jahren liefen wir ineinander, ja, genau da. Ich wartete auf meinem Rad auf Grün, und du fuhrst ran und sahst mich zuerst, und dann hast du wohl dein großes Grinsen aufgesetzt und mir entgegen geschleudert. Und wie das so ist in solchen Momenten, zögert man kurz, ob es nun angemessen wäre, wirklich innezuhalten und ein Gespräch zu entfachen, oder ob jeder lieber auf seinen Schienen bleibt, sich grüßt und weitergeht, und die Begegnung im Keim erstickt; oft ist das beiden ja lieber. Aber hier war es nicht so, wir gaben unsere Schienen auf und hievten die Räder von der Straße und da stehen wir nun, zwischen uns fünf, sechs Jahre, in denen viel passiert ist, aber das Grinsen, das du da hast / das kenne ich noch / lass’ mich damit bitte in Ruhe / ich geh’ in Flammen auf

072020: I Don’t Know Anything, I’m Just a Rock in the Sky

Sunset on Tempelhofer Feld

The loud and bright November sun screaming through my windows doesn’t seem appropriate for what’s happening in the world right now. It’s 9am and I am sitting at my desk, trying to focus and get the day started. Around me, notes, post-its and scraps of paper are piling up. Lots of ideas and fun projects I want to tackle. It seems that this month, as we‘re all asked to stay at home as much as we can, could be the right time to do it! It seems.

This year though, I often feel like I’ve unlearned everything. How do you start a personal project? How do people write? How do you manage life without any sort of structure? Comparing all my freedom with what I actually do with it, I tend go get slightly disappointed in myself. I could do anything, really, but nothing feels good enough. All I spend my time with is solving Sudokus.

Not everything is bad though. I’ve been involved in some really interesting client projects, I’ve been on the phone with friends more frequently, and how nice is it to find joy in simple things like a sunny autumn walk these days?!

Re-reading a newsletter I sent to you exactly one year ago (“If you’re going through hell, keep going”) also eases my mind a bit: Maybe it’s just November that emits these weird vibes. I generally take ease in finding reasons that are out of my hands. Destiny! I’m pretty sure something is in some sort of retrograde or a weird sun or moon or whatever flying luminary out there is involved if things don’t go as planned. Whiny millennial voice: “Not everything is our fault!”

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The climate catastrophe sure is though. I watched David Attenborough’s new Netflix documentary “A Life on Our Planet” and can recommend it (which usually isn’t the case with Netflix documentaries, I often find them gimmicky).

If you want to zone out from the world’s disasters for a short moment, the New York Times “Election Distractor” is the perfect site for you.

And, as I learned while reading last November’s issue again, looking at the past and finding the good and healthy stuff in it can also help to cope with things. I flipped through my Live Photos from this year’s summer and made a very short video from them. Watch it here.

This letter’s headline is from Miranda July’s 2011 movie “The Future”. I’m looking forward to seeing her new film “Kajillionaire” once cinemas are open again.

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If you have adequate tips to stay productive, or any reasons to avoid it and get carried away, please send them my way. My inbox is open for all sorts of diversions! Stay healthy, distracted, and be gentle with yourself and others.

(If you enjoy content like this: I send it out as a (irregular) monthly newsletter called Christel’s Corner. Sign up for it here.)

052020: A Summer Wasting

a photo of a classic ice cream cup

Do you remember the vast amount of summer holidays we used to have as kids? Six weeks without school, without duties, six weeks of living a completely care-free life. These weeks were heralded with a school report, and our parents would pick us up at around 12 in front of the school; and we’d leave another year of nerve-wracking stress and torments behind. I hated school, but this moment of stepping into a long, empty summer, was always pure bliss.

Last week, I started a self-prescribed summer break. I’ve had some weird years and I’m in-between jobs, so I decided to actively do nothing for a couple of weeks. Not sure if the care-free childhood feeling is replicable as an adult (probably not), but the feeling of not planning very far ahead puts me at ease—at least for a brief moment. Actively deciding to not care for a moment is self-care! I’ll call the dentist sometime soon. I’m sure the whole tax situation will sort itself out. I’m not going to plan any big travels.

This is probably one of my least favorite character traits: I am a really bad traveler. The whole part of organization and the pressure of having to have great experiences just stresses me out. As a child, my parents would usually take us on a real vacation for 10 days during summer break. And while I generally enjoyed that very much (and didn’t even need to plan anything, of course!), it was also work: It somehow meant that the actual summer break was only 4 weeks. I needed that idleness to just let the past months sink in. Painting, drawing, seeing friends—simply not having to have any exciting experiences (but not avoiding them either, of course). Just letting the time pass by.

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Things that caught my attention:

As my friends know, I am big fan of the houses by Inken, Doris and Hinrich Baller. Ex Libris dedicated one of their No News News issues to Baller’s exceptional Berlin architecture.

Remember the hot priest from Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s TV show Fleabag? Andrew Scott shares some life lessons (and Irish swear words!) in the podcast How to Fail. If you enjoy this newsletter, you’ll enjoy that episode, I’m very sure.

As a quick break from sitting outside, I can recommend this short animated series about Tinder date stories on arte.

You probably all know about the astonishing power of the blue blood of horseshoe crabs (the 450-million-year-old living fossils!). Radiolab resurfaced their 2018 episode recently, with a little update on the animal’s role in COVID times.

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In other news: Today, on August 15, it would be Roger Willemsen’s 65th birthday. He died in 2016, and since then he is dearly missed as one of Germany’s most-liked intellectuals. In fact, I don’t know anyone who didn’t appreciate him as a moral compass, and I, too, miss his voice in current times. Recently, my friend Eva and I were discussing which prominent people we’d like to ask for advice when making decisions, and Willemsen definitely would be my chairman of the board. Who would be yours?

As my summer break continues, I’ll be spending the nights listening to Belle & Sebastian’s summer vacation soundtrack, which also served as the title for this issue: I spent the summer wasting / The time was passed so easily / But if the summer’s wasted / How come that I could feel so free? Stay cool and safe and enjoy the weather.

If you enjoy content like this: I send it out as a (irregular) monthly newsletter called Christel’s Corner. Sign up for it here.